She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
