Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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