I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
