dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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