i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Boobs speak an international language.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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