you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
