Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
