i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So much Jack, so little girl.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
