I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
