Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
