You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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