I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
