I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is Oprah even human
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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