The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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