I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
