so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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