fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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