let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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