god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
