Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
