He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
