I'm so fucking centered right now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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