I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
