come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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