So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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