Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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