i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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