just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
