If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
