That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
