I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
