I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
