The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
