Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
