I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
