I hate all girls vehemently.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Randomize
