Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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