No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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