I love black thongs
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
