I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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