It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
