You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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