Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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