new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
