Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
