I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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