His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
