Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
