I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
