Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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