I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
