i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
