but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
