I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
