duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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