Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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