did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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