My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
