Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
