Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
