So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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