I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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