How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
