Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
