Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
