It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize