So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
