I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
