Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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