She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
