I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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