By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
