the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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